Theories are not always a theory

– 3 min Read

I am very eager to share a speech in this post and the reason behind my eagerness is that I witnessed something very similar to this speech in real recently. 

This speech is known as the cockroach theory for self-development. This speech may be a theory but this happens in our life very much like the following. One of my friend who is going through a rough patch in his life reacted to a situation that lead to another worse situation instead of responding with silence. When he discussed it with me about what had happened and why he did that, in fact he was blaming on the other person’s behavior. I had to break it to him that it’s not about how that person behaved with you, it’s all about how you reacted to that behavior. Due to privacy I could not share the exact situation or the details about this practical experience but I am able to share this theory with you all. 

You may have read this before, yet it’s worth reading again.

An inspiring speech by Sundar Pichai, the CEO of Google Inc.

Source of this speech: Cockroach theory

At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on a lady. She started screaming out of fear. With a panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach.

Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got panicky. The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away but …it landed on another lady in the group. Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama.

The waiter rushed forward to their rescue. In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter.

The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt.
When he was confident enough, he grabbed it with his fingers and threw it out of the restaurant.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior?

If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed? He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos.

It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach that disturbed the ladies.

I realized that, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss or my wife that disturbs me, but it’s my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me. It’s not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me.

More than the problem, it’s my reaction to the problem that creates chaos in my life.

Lessons learnt from the story: “Do not react in life. Always respond

The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded.

Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always well thought of, just and right to save a situation from going out of hands, to avoid cracks in relationship, to avoid taking decisions in anger, anxiety, stress or hurry.

Thank you for reading friends. Have an inspiring week and respond well! See you next Tuesday!
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Photo Credit: Mimi and Eunice

Life sucks!

-less than 5 min Read

Everyone’s life sucks at one point, there I said it and often we see an elephant in the room, don’t we? Eventually as and when time passes, your life will be in different state. While the transition happens, you can either choose to hold on to the pain or let the transition happen on its own, either way the transition happens with or without you and will reach a different phase in life. This transition is something out of our control. All we could do is live the moment and be truthful and loyal to ourselves.

There was a woman who by profession a TV/Advertising producer and by life a mother, have battled several challenges in her life. She has gone through transitions that was painful and had occurred multiple times in her life.  She is also a woman who fights cancer. This wonderful woman’s name is Monali.

As a child she was shy and introvert who always find herself bullied by elders and end up in her own shell finding it comfortable. She grew up with her grandparents and enjoyed her childhood with her relatives and friends. When she was in 6th grade she moved to stay with her parents and experienced whole lot of different world. Her father’s job required him to transfer every 6 months. As a family they moved to different places every 6 months. She never celebrated holidays or festivals with her dad as he always ends up working but she had her mom doing everything for her all alone. Monali got married when she was 21 years old and after 3 years she became a mother of a girl baby and her name was Ruhi. Life was good for her until 2006, then everything started to fall apart.  She lost her dad and relationship with her husband. They got divorced due to incompatibility in their marriage and Monali moved to a metropolitan city with her daughter. She had no idea on how to survive as she was a housewife who never worried about her career until then. However, she requested with one of her friends who lives in that city for stay in her apartment and also, she managed to find a job in the Television production company. Post 15 days of her work, they confirmed her the job. She was worried who would take care of her baby girl who was only 2 and half years old. Here comes battle of her life. The apartment where she stayed had other roommates. She spoke to them and came to an agreement that she will do all the household chores for them like cleaning, cooking, laundry, and in return their house maid should take care of Ruhi when she was off for work.

She would finish all the chores by 5:30 AM and get ready for her shooting job at the production house. The house maid took care of Ruhi. It was tough and heart wrenching for her to see her child sleeping on the floor. She did not give up. She started saving money by walking 10 miles a day and by skipping meals. After seven months she was able to afford to rent a studio apartment and her life slowly progressed to be a better one.

She met a man later and they both were dating for 2 years. She also moved in with him and they planned to get married. However, the guy changed his mind not to marry a divorcee and got married to another girl without her knowledge.

Next battle, she lost everything what she had including her job after the break up and back to zero life. Again she battled to find another job, by this time, Ruhi was 9 years old. She was very understanding and responsible that Monali did not have to worry a lot about her and focused in saving money for their living.

One day when she was getting ready to work, she felt a lump near her underarm and she ignored it. She began to get mild fever but she would just pop a pill and go to bed. One day her friend forced her to consult with the doctor. Next battle, After all the tests and biopsy, she found out that it is. She underwent chemotherapy but never gave up in her life, she lost appetite and became skinny, however followed the instructions from the doctor. Meanwhile she met a guy and they both fell in love and got married after being convinced that she is not going to die. She is happy with her family now.

The amount of transition she has gone through in her life is not an easy one. It is easy for us to complain about life for silly reasons, but there are many like Monali who survive by battling mammoth challenges in life. 

Like I said in the beginning, life sucks for everyone at some stages. Its upto you how you see it! Overcoming those challenges what life throws at you makes you stronger and greater.

Remember, nothing is permanent in life and transition happens with time.

“Nothing is permanent in this wicked world – not even our troubles” – Charlie Chaplin

Have a great week friends! See you next Tuesday!
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Photo Credit: QuoteFancy

Never Too Late – ‘4 min Read’

 

I’m not sure if you all have heard of Mr. Wang Deshun.

He is the man who became sensational overnight by doing catwalk at the Beijing fashion show last year. If you know about him then this post is a reminder and for those who don’t know, here is a little background about him.

I know you may be asking, ‘Why was it sensational?’ It was because he was 79-year-old and the oldest man in the fashion world to do the catwalk last year. Wang is by trade an actor, in featuring movies like ‘The Forbidden Kingdom’ and ‘Warriors of Heaven and Earth’, but his walk at the show became his prowess.  Now he is 80-year-old!

He may not have got all this attention from us from featuring films, but it was his quick few seconds walk that got him famous. The fierce and confidence he showcased during that few seconds walk was the best of all. Many people called him internet sensation and some people said that he is the hottest grandpa but Wang says that he was getting ready for 60 years for that day. Like he mentioned, it’s true that success does not happen overnight. Your hard work pays off, it may be now or later, but it does. Believe in what you do and continue doing it. It all begins in you and only if you want to. You will realize that you always learned more.

You may not like the job you do, you may regret the major you took in school, you may hate the way your life is now, all you gotta do is push the reset button. This man did not do the same thing over for 60 years, he had so many transitions in life that involved risks. When I talk about changing the life including risks, I remember one of my favorite quotes from the book, ‘The Pursuit of happiness’, and it goes as –

“Others may question your credentials, your papers, your degrees. Others may look for all kinds of ways to diminish your worth. But what is inside you no one can take from you or tarnish. This is your worth, who you really are, your degree that can go with you wherever you go, that you bring with you the moment you come into a room, that can’t be manipulated or shaken. Without that sense of self, no amount of paper, no pedigree, and no credentials can make you legit. No matter what, you have to feel legit inside first.”

We should not be scared to take a turn in our life. It may be risky but we should not turn away. There is no limit in terms of age. There is no rules that you should be either young or old enough. If you think you need to change something, you just gotta get on to it.  If you find yourself committed to something fearing to quit, then you are going to see your life passing by year after year.

Again, can you believe that he was getting ready for 60 years? It just got me thinking how quickly I give up on something fearing failure. He is definitely an inspiration. He also reminds us that it’s never too late to make an impact, to change or improve something in life and be what you want to be. It doesn’t matter how old are you, but it matters how willing are you.

Here is a short video from him talking about his life.

I hope this helps you to stay inspired and don’t stop yourself from pushing that reset button in life. Remember, it’s never too late.

Thank you for reading friends. See you next Tuesday!
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#1 The nerd’s guide to evolve!

The Cartographers (the map makers) were following some trick in earlier days and did you know that they insert fake places on their map?  Do you know why?

Because when that fake place shows up in another person’s map, he will be caught stealing the map.

Well this is one of the interesting old facts I got to know today and I will let you know in this blog from where I learned this. The main context of this post is about community.

My friend and I was walking the walk this evening and we were discussing about how do we keep learning, keep updating our knowledge base in mind. How is it possible if you are alone? And when we were deeply sailing into our conversation we reached a point where I was asking her, should we not be around with people like how we want to be? Like if you want to be a leader, think like a leader. Well wait! Do you all of sudden start thinking like a leader? No, for the start, you will look at your hero or an inspired leader to try their footsteps, unlike the people who are born with the talent of being a leader. She immediately agreed to me saying, true, that’s one of the ways that people improve a lot in career and even life. People become more smart hanging out with smart people. We keep evolving.

No wonder why people say avoid groups which creates negative environment. Isn’t that true?

Besides the fact that the major influence of improving or updating yourself is self-interest and strong determination, spending time with leaders, mentors, like-minded people, listening to motivators, speakers, all these gives you more window to evolve.

It was such a coincidence that I found this inspiring TED talk by John Green, the author of “The Fault in Our Stars” and “Paper Towns”.  He speaks about community and the several ways to join communities that interests you. You won’t be alone again 🙂 He mentions in this speech about that interesting trick maintained by the cartographers in earlier days.

Leave your ideas of evolving in comments, would be glad to know more.