Theories are not always a theory

– 3 min Read

I am very eager to share a speech in this post and the reason behind my eagerness is that I witnessed something very similar to this speech in real recently. 

This speech is known as the cockroach theory for self-development. This speech may be a theory but this happens in our life very much like the following. One of my friend who is going through a rough patch in his life reacted to a situation that lead to another worse situation instead of responding with silence. When he discussed it with me about what had happened and why he did that, in fact he was blaming on the other person’s behavior. I had to break it to him that it’s not about how that person behaved with you, it’s all about how you reacted to that behavior. Due to privacy I could not share the exact situation or the details about this practical experience but I am able to share this theory with you all. 

You may have read this before, yet it’s worth reading again.

An inspiring speech by Sundar Pichai, the CEO of Google Inc.

Source of this speech: Cockroach theory

At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on a lady. She started screaming out of fear. With a panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach.

Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got panicky. The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away but …it landed on another lady in the group. Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama.

The waiter rushed forward to their rescue. In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter.

The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt.
When he was confident enough, he grabbed it with his fingers and threw it out of the restaurant.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior?

If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed? He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos.

It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach that disturbed the ladies.

I realized that, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss or my wife that disturbs me, but it’s my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me. It’s not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me.

More than the problem, it’s my reaction to the problem that creates chaos in my life.

Lessons learnt from the story: “Do not react in life. Always respond

The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded.

Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always well thought of, just and right to save a situation from going out of hands, to avoid cracks in relationship, to avoid taking decisions in anger, anxiety, stress or hurry.

Thank you for reading friends. Have an inspiring week and respond well! See you next Tuesday!
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Photo Credit: Mimi and Eunice

#6 Buy or compromise???

Lately, my mind is fluctuating between 2 thoughts :- one. wanting to buy; two. compromise. I’m sure the moment you read this, most of you must be saying that learn to feel content with what you have than to buy. But my question here is how long should I keep compromising on my needs. ‘Need’, isn’t that a major term.

Have you heard about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? There you can see below about that theory.

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  1. Biological and Physiological needs – air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep, etc.
  2. Safety needs – protection from elements, security, order, law, stability, freedom from fear.
  3. Love and belongingness needs – friendship, intimacy, affection and love, – from work group, family, friends, and romantic relationships.
  4. Esteem needs – achievement, mastery, independence, status, dominance, prestige, self-respect, and respect from others.
  5. Self-Actualization needs – realizing personal potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences.

(Cited: http://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html)

Don’t you agree with me that basic needs or the deficit of needs is the main motivation for humans?

According to Maslow, he came up with this theory for peoples’ motivation and how they are motivated based on their needs and what levels do they reach in terms of needs. He believed that people possess a set of motivation for rewards or unconscious desires. He said that when a person is fulfilled with one need, he seeks to fulfill his next need. That’s what his hierarchy of needs talks about. When there is a need we tend to make unconscious desire.

Necessity plays a role. If there is a need we prepare and make arrangements for it.

Likewise, if you do not want more or wish for more, how would you work towards that reason? Is it not called settling down when you just feel content with what we have? How would you keep moving up in the ladder, when you do not want to get promoted and just feel content with your current position?

Only if you wish for buying a new car, you will start working on a plan to buy that new car. A plan like improving your budget, savings, etc.

Don’t we advise people, do what you like and firm with what you need. So compromising your need is not a good suggestion, keeping in mind that each situation is different and you alone could analyze your situation and make up your mind.

Self-actualization and realization must be present when we desire for something. There is nothing wrong in wanting to buy if I do not have it. There is nothing wrong in improvising what you have, it’s like cope up with the present. Having a mobile phone is a basic necessity in this century, mostly, you cannot say I have a landline, I do not need a mobile phone. Well, you cannot carry a landline in your pocket. Period. It’s about improvising and cope up with the world and the needs.

Back to my questions, wanting to buy or compromise. To help my mind with these questions, I have decided to use a simple trick. I will ask myself, ‘do I have it already? & what is the need?’

Let me finish it with my quote 🙂

Desires are not wrong, when the needs are right.